Cosmic Love
by berrysck
Summary: A Swan Queen fanfiction based on Florence and The Machine's songs. Regina had fallen for Emma, but could she give up of her power for love? "And in the dark I can hear your heartbeat, I tried to find the sound. But then it stopped and I was in the darkness, so darkness I became".


_"Seems that I have been held  
In some dreaming state  
A tourist in the waking world  
Never quite awake.  
No kiss, no gentle word  
Could wake me from this slumber  
Until I realize that it was you  
Who held me under. (…)  
No more dreaming of the dead  
As if death itself was undone  
No more calling like a crow for a boy  
For a body in the garden  
No more dreaming like a girl  
So in love, so in love with the wrong world"._

Blinding - Florence + The Machine: watch?v=Da6bBKLPEGg

Regina's PoV.  


I had lost everything. Daniel, Henry, my father and now my mother. Cora was not the Best person in the world – far from that- but she was everything I had and now she passed away. Gold respected my request and gave me the privacy I so much needed. The dammed Snow had already left; perhaps she was scared that I could rip her heart out right there.

It was just me and her.

Me and my mother.

The fresh tears that insisted on falling streamed down my face, some reached the scar on my upper lip and I could taste a mix of salty water and bitterness, my exact same feelings.

"You would have been enough." Those words, echoing inside my head were enough to make me cry more and more. I wish I had been enough, but I hadn't. She craved for power the same way I craved for Snow White's blood in my hands, specially now.

I leaned over my mother's corpse and my lips touched her forehead: "She'll pay for this." With a movement of my hand I made her body disappear in purple smoke. Everything I had now was her last name and a box where her heart used to be. What reminded me that I had to get rid of mine because having my heart inside my chest meant vulnerability and I didn't want to feel anything from now on; I didn't want to miss anyone or anything, I didn't want to feel scared and I most certainly didn't need my heart to feel hatred or to seek my need of revenge. I didn't need my heart at all.

I pressed my hand over my chest and saw it disappear inside my own body, the air left my lungs and a desperate need for air took over my body but I managed to ignore it and the also the pain I felt when I caught it with my bare hand and ripped it out of its normal place. I put the beating organ inside the box that was previously occupied by my mother's beating heart and I just observed it for a while; it was so incredibly darkened.

I blinked a couple times after a moment and noticed I was still kneeling on the floor of Gold's shop. I stood up and looked down at my own body. I felt dirty. I looked one more time to the space my mother and I had previously shared and then grabbed the box with my heart in it. I walked down the main street and people insisted on looking at me, they had probably heard the news already, but none demonstrated a hint of compassion, quite the opposite – they looked satisfied, like if I deserved what had happened. I believe that if I had my heart inside my heart right now I would be feeling sad so I am pretty much glad I decided to put it in the box. I just kept walking.

I opened the front door with my magic - didn't bother to use the keys anymore – and walked upstairs directly to Henry's bedroom. I quickly packed most of his clothes and did something I wish wasn't necessary in that moment; I called Emma.

Miss Swan, Henry's things are dividedly packed and ready. I hope that you appear in less than 10 minutes to pick them.

I didn't know where Emma was, I hadn't see her since… since everything that happened at Gold's store today, but when it came to Henry and specially the tone in my voice, I was sure she would appear in less than 10 minutes.

I turned my phone off and walked downstairs to my study, I opened a drawer where I kept an album of pictures and held it in my hands. I opened it carefully and started flipping through the pages; pictures of Henry as a baby, a picture of me on my porch, a picture of me and Graham, but none with my mother or my father and none with Daniel either. My eyes scanned a page until I saw a picture I took over 20 years ago; a picture of Owen.

I closed the album abruptly and lit up the fireplace, quickly throwing the item in it and watched it burn. I broke my mirror, managed empty every bottle of apple cider I saw in front of me. I unintentionally looked out the window and smirked, Emma had already done what I was thinking about do next: cut my apple tree.

I didn't have my heart anymore but the memories were still there, they still existed in the back of my mind. I loved Henry, but love is weakness, and I couldn't allow love in my life, not anymore. Emma would take good care of him.

I looked around and sat down on my sofa, I didn't know what to do anymore, I couldn't leave Storybrooke - taking in consideration that there was no magic after crossed the red line - but I couldn't also stay there. I couldn't stay there alone with an entire population seeking for my head on a stick. I could obviously stay in the forest for a while but that was not really my style. I needed power, a lot of power, to finally see Snow White taking the road to the end she really deserved.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Emma's irritant death trap. I stood up and quickly made my way to the door, it was a bit difficult since all the cider made me a little dizzy but that didn't matter at all, right now Emma just needed to get the things and leave. So I opened the door.

- Regina what are you doing? – Emma asked

- What you've always wanted me to do. – I said dryly – I'm giving you Henry.

- But… But you love him, Regina. What… Why are you doing this? – The blonde asked incredulous.

- Miss Swan, I believe I don't own you any satisfaction of what I choose or not to do. You wanted Henry and now I'm giving him to you. Now please, get his things in his room and get the hell out of my house.

-Regina...I know he loves you just as much as you love him. It was never my intention to take him away from you. You never let me get close to him and now, suddenly, you decide to hand him to me?- Emma narrowed her eyes almost suspiciously – You're not thinking about doing anything wrong, are you? – Emma stepped forward and was suddenly holding my hand – Regina, I know what you're going through. No, actually I don't know but…I know it must be hard.

- Miss Swan what are YOU doing? – I asked, utterly confused by the woman's actions.

- I'm trying to say that… I'm trying to say that I care. I don't want anything bad happening to anyone in this town and because of that I need you to control yourself. I know you were the Evil Queen but I don't believe you're still that woman.

I tried to keep it inside but couldn't control my skeptical laugh at the woman's naivity – Oh dear, I will _always_ be the Evil Queen. Always! – I lowered my tone so it was low and threatening, not able to control all the hate that started flowing inside me - And I shall destroy the happiness of every single person on this little town. _Even if it is the last thing I do!_

Emma gave two more steps in my direction, she was too close and I cold perfectly smell her perfume. Her grip on my hand tightened.

Regina, listen to me. – her eyes averted from mine to look inside the house behind me, she looked like she was trying to find something unusual – I know that somewhere inside you...there's still something... – Her eyes stopped and were locked with something she saw – Regina what's that? –She said ant let go of my hand.  
I turned around and followed her eyes, the old box where I kept my heart was opened, a red glow coming from its inside

Regina's heart, Emma Swan. Emma Swan, Regina's heart. Now that I introduced both of you, please get out.

Emma pushed me out of the way and walked towards the table, before I could stop her she had my heart in her hand. The light pressure of her grip on was enough to make me fall on my knees as a terrible pain shot through every single extension of my body.

- I could destroy it, you know? Turn it to dust just like you did to so many people without a single second thought. – She approached me and I looked up at her – But I'm not gonna do it, Regina. Because you and me are not the same person, but most of all, because I still _believe you. _You tried to change, I know what Mary Mar…my mother did. I know that you want to kill her more than anything right now, but think a little about it. What will that do? Kill her won't bring your mother back, it'll only push away the people who still believe in you. Henry… - she hesitated- Henry and me. I won't give up on you, Regina I won't let you have a miserable ending. – and efore I could even manage to move or say anything, I felt her hand being pressed against my chest and the familiar glowing was gone. – I'll give you some time to think.

Emma went upstairs and got the suitcase I had fetched for Henry. Se was walking downstairs in less than two minutes. After stepping outside she looked back at me again and mouthed the words "I do care."

I stayed sitting on the cold floor for a while, tears streaming down my face. I felt pain, but it was not a pain that I felt for having someone put the heart back inside of me. It was not a physical pain at all.

It was a pain I knew too well.  
The pain of the emptiness that I would never be able to fulfill.


End file.
